Cheeky Coconut Smoothy Lo

A lot of tense and poor word choice, some sentences seem to be changed as they were written. Examples: "Octa and Novan were stood side by side the latter of ...

Liz is correct the last line was not needed. I'd like to point out that there is no meter, its just running freely with the metaphor and while that may ...

I didn't really like this poem, while it was meant to be sad it did not give a good picture and while you tried to keep the meter, it was ...

This was not really good form and to take it as the journal of a prisoner recounting a story was just poorly done. I was thinking Lolita for a second, ...

I don't know why you write so many prologues if you never actually do any work or complete the stories, but again... this is the same cliche, boring and typical ...

Aside from WAY WAY too much use of I and my it is good. I suggest removing them all unless they are absolute necessary. No one should be saying my ...

Cliche story opening, but it doesn't seem like this is the start of a story that grabs the reader at. I didn't find myself wanting to continue on to another ...

This chapter was colder and not as grandiose as your earlier pieces. I see you manage to improve along the way, but this doesn't change the fact we are still ...

This needs work, and a lot of it. Please do not use symbols like 1/2 in the story. Give your dialog room and do not squish it together. Your characters ...

Aside from wondrous gaining an apostrophe it seems to be better. :) Now time to delve into the depth of this poem... First thing, it lacks meter and pattern. Rather ...

I agree, this is not poetry and cannot be based on such merits as meter and pattern. Prose is such an usual piece of work to critique, but this doesn't ...

The names are rather annoying and very foreign, but the concept of the story is not. I can't help but also question the way in which you present the story ...

The character is really that kind of person who most people don't like and don't want to comfort or help. The weak, rich little daughter of wealthy parents, always the ...

The phone bit was way way over the top. As much as you like it, I think you should not try and put your homework or Gizmo and Gears knowledge ...

I was really taken off by this whole older and younger man issue, why do we need those words to relate to two characters? How about giving them other defining ...